Hello men and women!

This AoM blogger does not post and will not post for boys and girls. At least not in the way the world sees those terms :P I think you'll understand better after reading this.

I've written about this before and I'll probably write again. And again. Until we finally stop acting like we're too “evolved” (and fuck me, I hate the connotation that this word has these days on social media) and start admitting to ourselves the real truth. Not the truth I'm posting here, but the real one. Inside each of us. The one we're so scared of that we run from it in order to “conform”, be “accepted” or “proper”, or whatever the latest flavour of wording is out there these days.

Today's subject of choice is basic behaviour + nurtured behaviour vs. enforced behaviour. And since this subject is WAY too big, I'll start by touching on the distorted male vs. female view.

So let's dig in: female and male interaction and the so-called need for them to “get in touch” with each other. And even there, I'll split the analysis between the two points of view.

What happens these days is just pure bullcrap. For the last hundred years or so, males have been accused of “not being in touch with their feelings”, “being too withdrawn”, “not expressing themselves”, “not accepting help”, or whatever the hell else. Then some deeply sanctimonious woman decides it's her duty to “CORRECT” males, having already decided what is wrong with them before fucking trying to understand them.

Newsflash: men have feelings, they have emotions, and for fuck's sake, they are well fucking aware of them. And yes, they also DO ask for help and are amazingly glad to get it.

The major difference is men NEED trust. And trust is GAINED; it is not a given. And that is something men will ALWAYS question. It's not jealousy, and it doesn't mean keeping someone under permanent scrutiny. It's something that can take years to build and can be lost in a matter of microseconds.

For a crude picture of why that trust matters, imagine us as hunters. We HAVE to be able to trust our partner hunters NOT to get the damn mammoth to trample us because “ooo, look, a flower, sooo cuuute”. Now think of farmers, builders, warriors aaaand... guess what common requirement is ALWAYS present in ALL of these?

And they need to be able to USE that trust. In those moments when silence is paramount, they need to KNOW the others are FOCUSED on their task, with communication kept for what is urgent. And oddly enough, asking for help can be of paramount urgency... DUH.

Now look at the silent, brooding mofos who only go out and become vocal and ugly in moments of utter relaxation. Nothing wrong with that. They are grumpy, they are rough, they are assholes and they are fucking loud when they decide they need to let it all out (emotionally speaking), because being a focused, problem-solving, task-oriented creepazoid is fucking HARD on their emotions. It's hard to acknowledge failure (their own and that of those around them), but they HAVE TO; otherwise, they will lose the TRUST of those around them. It's hard to deal with shortcomings and find ways to turn those into lessons. It's damn hard to be a man. (Boohoo, keep your knickers on. I am not glorifying the shitshow that is male behaviour, nor am I asking for sympathy. So shut up and read, okay?)

Men are not bottled up. Men are permanent evaluation systems that acknowledge everything regarding the things that matter to them. NO, not JUDGING. Evaluating. Redefining implications, recalculating paths like a GPS during a ride on the ocean floor.

And the person who falls under the worst and harshest scrutiny is the man himself. Some are stronger, some are weaker, some turn to self-improvement, some turn to stagnation, others turn to desperation. Fuck knows what goes on inside anyone's mind, let alone what goes on inside a male's noggin when dealing with himself.

And can anyone tell me what exactly is being AFFECTED by all of this? EMOTIONS! Yes, EMOTIONS! But these damn little buggers can ONLY be expressed to those that MEN TRUST with their own lives, and even then, it's more about asking for validation than... just letting it all out.

With this in mind, next time you go ahead and yell on some social media channel that men are emotionally defective because they won't open up on your terms, get a fucking grip on reality and UNDERSTAND what you are talking about.